-
05-18-2019, 04:12 AM
#1581
Day 337
Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol
500mg L-Tyrosine
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
125mg TestC
150mg EQ
50mg NPP
Meals:
Meal 1
Calories: 576
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, Chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz coconut milk
8oz organic Aloe Vera juice
1 scoop terra kai, organic juice berry
Meal 2
Calories: 400
2 cup cottage cheese, darigold 2percent brand
Meal 3
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
Meal 4
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
Meal 5
Calories: 720
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
Soup
2 cups Carrot ginger, Trader Joe’s
Meal 6
Calories: 637
2cups pungent sounds clam chowder
Good day at work today. I met a new Fire Marshall Whos dead serious about her job and why she does what she does... it’s nice to hear the thoughts I have come from an authorities mouth... it’ll be nice to have some enforcement on the horizon and hopefully people will start taking life safety more seriously. If not, feel the burn in the pockets from lacking... she handed me her card and said I have an open anytime line with her anytime... there is a wind of change a blowing... hoist the sails
My energy was so pent up I just started walking... then found an apartment complex and hit the stairs... then walked some more... it felt so good!!! I felt alive. My heart fulfilled..
Started laying out notes on a book I’m going to write... Ive decided to just own it and write it first person. They’re my memories anyway. I keep getting writers block trying to write it as a story about someone else... so figuring if I just write it as it is in my head.. it should just flow, in theory...
Weeks done! Flew by. Productive week. Huge strides in the progress department. Feeling good! Ready to go to the next level.
Daily gratitude item:
Grateful for beautiful sunsets, snow capped mountains and the poking up of green fresh plant life for spring... for the ability to actually see these things in all their glory on display like a peacocks feathers for all to enjoy if they can just see.... a quiet mind, a still body and wandering eyes... allows the colors to really pop, while feeling a cool breeze dance across your skin... so much to see, so little time to see it in...
10:00pm
50mg metoprolol
1 - 5-HTP Plus
500mg L-Tyrosine
200mcg T4 liquid
Total water consumed until now:
1.75 gallons
Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 3,173
Protein: 302
Carbs: 214
Fiber: 48
Sugar: 72
Fat: 124
Workout:
5 mile walk topped off with 3 flights of stairs x’s 21 trips
-
Post Thanks / Like - 4 Thanks, 4 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-18-2019, 03:35 PM
#1582
I’ll read it Mike. What is your main topic or is it an autobiography?
Max
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
-
Post Thanks / Like - 2 Thanks, 2 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-19-2019, 02:28 AM
#1583
Originally Posted by
maxmuscle1
I’ll read it Mike. What is your main topic or is it an autobiography?
Max
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
It’ll be mainly focused on the meth induced psychosis I was experiencing with 6 individual and distinct voices/personalities in my head and the end of my using days just before I decided to get sober... it will include the insanity experienced all the way from that decision to change up until the voices finally left me as a result from an horrible auto accident 6 months into my sobriety... every hallucination, visual and audible is etched into my brain. Every detail is engrained... the speaking in tongues weird shit to the demon faces when I looked into anything reflective... so literally a span of 3 months... I even had a run in with the devil himself... or at least a very vivid audible hallucination of him... it was crazy.
I am in hopes others will read it. Relate to the insanity. Hopefully see there is hope to get and stay sober. To stay out of prison. That there’s more to life than using. To understand the repercussions and lack of emotion is a result from using. That feel numb to everything is chemically caused and there are treatment options to help restore ones mind to a somewhat normal state again... I just am hoping to instill hope into the lost... it’ll be raw truth. It’ll be very embarrassing to have my dirty laundry so freely out there... but I feel it is necessary. It’s the rawness people will relate too..
I was going to write about my teenage years. The streets, the violence, being used by older dudes to collect debts by any means possible and living the lifestyles children shouldn’t be living... but I decided the one I would like to concentrate on would be the one that could hopefully help others.
-
Post Thanks / Like - 4 Thanks, 4 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-19-2019, 02:29 AM
#1584
Day 338
Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol
500mg L-Tyrosine
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
Meals:
Meal 1
Calories: 576
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, Chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz coconut milk
8oz organic Aloe Vera juice
1 scoop terra kai, organic juice berry
Meal 2
Calories: 400
2 cup cottage cheese, darigold 2percent brand
Meal 3
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
Meal 4
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
Meal 5
Calories: 560
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
Easy easy day. Thunder storms popping off all day... I haven’t been in a thunder storm in over 5 years. They are not common out here. I couldn’t help but throw on my light clothes and water shoes and go for my walk in the drenching rain... it was a tad cold, but luckily I run hot anyway. I faired quite well.
Not too much to report today.
Daily gratitude item:
Grateful for the smell that follows a downpour from the sky’s... mix in the crack of thunder and the lightning show to follow... perfection... I’m grateful to have the ability to walk. To freely move about without assistance.
10:00pm will be
50mg metoprolol
1 - 5-HTP Plus
500mg L-Tyrosine
200mcg T4 liquid
Total water consumed until now:
1.25gallons
Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 2,376
Protein: 288
Carbs: 132
Fiber: 44
Sugar: 57
Fat: 78
Workout:
5 mile walk in the thunder storm
-
Post Thanks / Like - 1 Thanks, 1 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-19-2019, 02:34 AM
#1585
Originally Posted by
Cowboymike
It’ll be mainly focused on the meth induced psychosis I was experiencing with 6 individual and distinct voices/personalities in my head and the end of my using days just before I decided to get sober... it will include the insanity experienced all the way from that decision to change up until the voices finally left me as a result from an horrible auto accident 6 months into my sobriety... every hallucination, visual and audible is etched into my brain. Every detail is engrained... the speaking in tongues weird shit to the demon faces when I looked into anything reflective... so literally a span of 3 months... I even had a run in with the devil himself... or at least a very vivid audible hallucination of him... it was crazy.
I am in hopes others will read it. Relate to the insanity. Hopefully see there is hope to get and stay sober. To stay out of prison. That there’s more to life than using. To understand the repercussions and lack of emotion is a result from using. That feel numb to everything is chemically caused and there are treatment options to help restore ones mind to a somewhat normal state again... I just am hoping to instill hope into the lost... it’ll be raw truth. It’ll be very embarrassing to have my dirty laundry so freely out there... but I feel it is necessary. It’s the rawness people will relate too..
I was going to write about my teenage years. The streets, the violence, being used by older dudes to collect debts by any means possible and living the lifestyles children shouldn’t be living... but I decided the one I would like to concentrate on would be the one that could hopefully help others.
That would be empowering for you and others that have experienced drugs and abuse. I am definitely going to buy it. It seems people have the hardest time opening up completely and I feel if they did... it would be amazing and impactful for the reader. Super cool Mike and I look forward to your rough draft.
Max
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
-
Post Thanks / Like - 2 Thanks, 2 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-19-2019, 03:03 AM
#1586
Originally Posted by
Cowboymike
It’ll be mainly focused on the meth induced psychosis I was experiencing with 6 individual and distinct voices/personalities in my head and the end of my using days just before I decided to get sober... it will include the insanity experienced all the way from that decision to change up until the voices finally left me as a result from an horrible auto accident 6 months into my sobriety... every hallucination, visual and audible is etched into my brain. Every detail is engrained... the speaking in tongues weird shit to the demon faces when I looked into anything reflective... so literally a span of 3 months... I even had a run in with the devil himself... or at least a very vivid audible hallucination of him... it was crazy.
I am in hopes others will read it. Relate to the insanity. Hopefully see there is hope to get and stay sober. To stay out of prison. That there’s more to life than using. To understand the repercussions and lack of emotion is a result from using. That feel numb to everything is chemically caused and there are treatment options to help restore ones mind to a somewhat normal state again... I just am hoping to instill hope into the lost... it’ll be raw truth. It’ll be very embarrassing to have my dirty laundry so freely out there... but I feel it is necessary. It’s the rawness people will relate too..
I was going to write about my teenage years. The streets, the violence, being used by older dudes to collect debts by any means possible and living the lifestyles children shouldn’t be living... but I decided the one I would like to concentrate on would be the one that could hopefully help others.
Holy shit bro! I'll read that! I experienced some serious cocaine psychosis back in my using days. Not sleeping for 8 days straight will have that effect on ya!
By the grace of God I'm coming up on 9 years sober now.
Sent from my Galaxy Note 9 using Tapatalk
-
Post Thanks / Like - 3 Thanks, 3 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-19-2019, 03:45 AM
#1587
Originally Posted by
RussianBot
Holy shit bro! I'll read that! I experienced some serious cocaine psychosis back in my using days. Not sleeping for 8 days straight will have that effect on ya!
By the grace of God I'm coming up on 9 years sober now.
Sent from my Galaxy Note 9 using Tapatalk
Hell yeah man congrats on 9 big dawg!
I’ll be 15, June 8th ;0)
Now I really gotta get this thing written ;0) I mean I really gotta get it done. No more distractions and adhd bullshit. Grab this bull by the horns and ride it to the buzzer.
-
Post Thanks / Like - 4 Thanks, 4 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-19-2019, 11:42 AM
#1588
Originally Posted by
Cowboymike
Day 337
Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol
500mg L-Tyrosine
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
125mg TestC
150mg EQ
50mg NPP
Meals:
Meal 1
Calories: 576
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, Chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz coconut milk
8oz organic Aloe Vera juice
1 scoop terra kai, organic juice berry
Meal 2
Calories: 400
2 cup cottage cheese, darigold 2percent brand
Meal 3
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
Meal 4
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
Meal 5
Calories: 720
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
Soup
2 cups Carrot ginger, Trader Joe’s
Meal 6
Calories: 637
2cups pungent sounds clam chowder
Good day at work today. I met a new Fire Marshall Whos dead serious about her job and why she does what she does... it’s nice to hear the thoughts I have come from an authorities mouth... it’ll be nice to have some enforcement on the horizon and hopefully people will start taking life safety more seriously. If not, feel the burn in the pockets from lacking... she handed me her card and said I have an open anytime line with her anytime... there is a wind of change a blowing... hoist the sails
My energy was so pent up I just started walking... then found an apartment complex and hit the stairs... then walked some more... it felt so good!!! I felt alive. My heart fulfilled..
Started laying out notes on a book I’m going to write... Ive decided to just own it and write it first person. They’re my memories anyway. I keep getting writers block trying to write it as a story about someone else... so figuring if I just write it as it is in my head.. it should just flow, in theory...
Weeks done! Flew by. Productive week. Huge strides in the progress department. Feeling good! Ready to go to the next level.
Daily gratitude item:
Grateful for beautiful sunsets, snow capped mountains and the poking up of green fresh plant life for spring... for the ability to actually see these things in all their glory on display like a peacocks feathers for all to enjoy if they can just see.... a quiet mind, a still body and wandering eyes... allows the colors to really pop, while feeling a cool breeze dance across your skin... so much to see, so little time to see it in...
10:00pm
50mg metoprolol
1 - 5-HTP Plus
500mg L-Tyrosine
200mcg T4 liquid
Total water consumed until now:
1.75 gallons
Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 3,173
Protein: 302
Carbs: 214
Fiber: 48
Sugar: 72
Fat: 124
Workout:
5 mile walk topped off with 3 flights of stairs x’s 21 trips
I see no food still..
Write it how it makes since and flows.
unfortunately I don't think there's really any good advice to writer's block
I can give you two things that work for me. Not for writer's block but just to write in general. number one you have to be by yourself. number two you use voice text it's the most natural of course you have to go back and edit.
have you tried walking and voice texting on your hikes. if you're the type of person that Paces around while their on their phone this will definitely help.
all the stories that I had just written recently. You know what the funny thing is I had never written anything in my life that was the first time I had ever done that.
You can do it. And you can write... and you have imagination. That's one thing I like about you and I love reading your post even the silly ones not just the ones here in the log. You are very interesting.
but please stop sending me nudes of yourself
IMG_20190519_014612_.png
-
Post Thanks / Like - 2 Thanks, 2 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-19-2019, 11:52 AM
#1589
Originally Posted by
Cowboymike
It’ll be mainly focused on the meth induced psychosis I was experiencing with 6 individual and distinct voices/personalities in my head and the end of my using days just before I decided to get sober... it will include the insanity experienced all the way from that decision to change up until the voices finally left me as a result from an horrible auto accident 6 months into my sobriety... every hallucination, visual and audible is etched into my brain. Every detail is engrained... the speaking in tongues weird shit to the demon faces when I looked into anything reflective... so literally a span of 3 months... I even had a run in with the devil himself... or at least a very vivid audible hallucination of him... it was crazy.
I am in hopes others will read it. Relate to the insanity. Hopefully see there is hope to get and stay sober. To stay out of prison. That there’s more to life than using. To understand the repercussions and lack of emotion is a result from using. That feel numb to everything is chemically caused and there are treatment options to help restore ones mind to a somewhat normal state again... I just am hoping to instill hope into the lost... it’ll be raw truth. It’ll be very embarrassing to have my dirty laundry so freely out there... but I feel it is necessary. It’s the rawness people will relate too..
I was going to write about my teenage years. The streets, the violence, being used by older dudes to collect debts by any means possible and living the lifestyles children shouldn’t be living... but I decided the one I would like to concentrate on would be the one that could hopefully help others.
Wait is this real ?
Thats strange that you would get psychosis. Well there can be visual. And I understand that like the shadow people. but at that level and severity seems odd
I understand the subject very well and if I didn't take a pill every day I would have psychosis. This is unrelated to meth although I used meth for many many many years and lived the streets in a hard life kind of way. For me psychosis includes seeing hearing and smelling things.
use the word I in your book
"I knew that day was going to be an interesting day to say the least"
" this feeling was odd and I had never experienced anythin like it"
make sure to not overuse the word I
" Another day had passed and the feeling was strange. Knowing the possibility that this could be a new way of life for me was unsettling. My thoughts were racing. if it hadn't been for me sleeping that day I may have gone crazy."
Me and my too. Switch it up. Take your time. one sentence at a time unless it's flowing
-
Post Thanks / Like - 2 Thanks, 2 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
-
05-19-2019, 11:55 AM
#1590
You know what I do remember a few things a saw and heard while on meth. I try to tnot hink about or advertise that subject.
My normal psychosis is not related to that. And is much stronger as real as real can be. Quite intriguing.
-
Post Thanks / Like - 2 Thanks, 2 Likes, 0 Dislikes
----
Bookmarks