Thaifoon's PCT / Detox / Building back for next cycle log

**thaifoon** · 02-03-2021, 07:33 PM

This is probably different than every other log on here, but I think writing out my thoughts out in one place will help keep me on track and accountable.

History
Trained natty for 12 years. I lift and also train BJJ. Started getting into sarms and prohormones around 27 years old. It was fun, but then I finally got into the real thing at 29.

Started my first blast @500mg test/week and ran that for 5 months. In hindsight, I should have came off. But the first covid lockdowns happened and I didn't want to lose any gains (plus I was addicted lol). Ended up cruising for 10 months @100mg/week.

Gyms finally reopened, I wanted to ease back in so I started a smaller cycle @300mg/week. I fucked myself here and started taking arimidex the first week, and continued to do so for 3-4 weeks before I realized what I was doing. I had insomnia for 3-4 nights a week for 6 weeks straight, and the gyms closed again, so I finally decided to come off everything and let my body normalize.

My hormones were still screwed, and I was awake 4 days straight before I went to the Dr. and they gave me an anti-depressant that helps with sleep called Mirtazapine.

PCT/Present
I started taking Mirtazapine daily and was finally sleeping again. Waited 2 weeks after my last pin and ran Clomid for 4 weeks before the emotional sides became too much and I stopped. I'm also trying to wean myself off the Mirtazapine; I've dropped it from 15mg > 7.5mg > 3.75mg so far.

It's been about 6 weeks now since my last pin. Gyms have reopened outdoors, and I've been going when I can about 3 days a week. I also still train BJJ 2-3 days a week.

I've gotten a lot of advice and help from the brotherhood here throughout the process and I appreciate it greatly. It's probably been the darkest time in my life with the PCT + Pandemic + Winter season. Still climbing out of that hole but I am seeing the light more often now.

**thaifoon** · 02-03-2021, 07:39 PM

On Monday I trained legs and did BJJ. It's rough because I live in PDX and it's constantly raining, so the outdoor gyms are wet and cold. You also only get an hour to lift, but I've been making it work.

Tuesday I rested. I tried to take the Mirtazapine down from 3.75mg to 1.875mg, and ended up sleeping only an hour last night. I only recently learned that AD withdrawals can be brutal. I'm going to take it back up to 3.75mg for 5 more days before trying to bring it down again. Was planning to hit a push workout today, but the lack of sleep is draining me.

Will try to get a better nights rest tonight so I can lift tomorrow.

I've been missing using the sauna at the gym, and I've been watching UFC fighters use these portable saunas in their hotel rooms to cut weight: Amazon.com so I decided to order it in the hopes it will help my body detox a bit and sleep better.

**JohnMcc** · 02-03-2021, 08:59 PM

Following along, I wish the best for you bro.

**thaifoon** · 02-04-2021, 11:17 PM

I went back up to 3.25mg on the mirtazapine and slept really well last night. I think I just need to chill out and stop trying to lower the dose too fast. My hormones are still stabilizing from PCT and trying to come off the AD too fast is probably throwing everything off further. Feel really good today though, like 90% of my normal self. If I can continue having days like this for awhile I'll be really happy; the crazy mood swings were becoming really difficult to deal with.

Some gyms in my city finally told the governor to fuck off and opened indoors, and I got my push workout in. It sucks watching your strength and size go away, but today was the first time in awhile where I actually enjoyed lifting and wasn't forcing it.

I think I might run two more weeks of nolva at 10mg alongside my natty test booster, since I couldn't handle the clomid anymore. Have never tried nolva, so if I start feeling shit again I'll know what it is.

**thaifoon** · 02-05-2021, 10:21 PM

My home gym opened today!. Good to be back in the routine and hit a pull workout. My god its so fucking depressing coming from PCT and having gyms closed to lifting again. Lost so much strength, and can do like 50% of the capacity I used to be able to do. No wonder people like to blast and cruise. I'm hopeful that in another month or two I'll be at least back to 80-85% of where I was. I'll need to stay the course for at least a year before I consider getting back on again.

I started on nolva at 10mg/day and am going to run that for two weeks. Also just got some mk-677, so I'm going to add that in too to hopefully see some improved sleep + appetite.

**thaifoon** · 02-07-2021, 11:16 PM

Sunny today for once in the PNW, felt my mood get positive immediately when I took a walk outside. Hit legs and did barbell squats for the first time ever. For some reason I always keep my upper body strength, but lower body strength goes down the drain during these long lockdowns without the gym.

Did squats, leg extensions, leg curls, and then reverse dumbbell lunges before the hour finished. Felt good, but I know I'll be in pain tomorrow.

Also on Monday I rolled BJJ with someone who found out later that he tested positive for covid. 2-3 people there that night caught it from him, but I did a test yesterday and it came back negative. Either I'm lucky or my daily supplementation of Vit D, C, and Zinc kept me protected!

**thaifoon** · 02-09-2021, 11:28 PM

Push day! It's another sunny day and my mood has held steady for the past week. My strength is coming back to 75% of where it was before, but my endurance still sucks. I just gotta give it time and stop comparing myself to when I was juiced to my natural self now. It's also nice seeing those gymshark girls at the gym again for that extra motivation when I gotta get a few more reps.

Did barbell bench, hammer strength incline press, a horizontal machine press, and finished off with some cable flies. I hope they increase the time limit from 60 to 90 minutes soon, but I won't complain as long as they keep the indoor gyms open.

Planning to drop the Mirtazapine dose from 3.25 to 1.875 this Saturday. Hoping that since I gave my body another 10 days to stabilize, this time it won't be so bad.

**thaifoon** · 02-12-2021, 01:20 AM

I was supposed to lift and train BJJ yesterday, but on Tuesday I had one of those nights where I couldn't sleep till 7AM. It feels so fucking personal when something is attacking your sleep, extremely frustrating.

Here in PDX it's supposed to snowstorm for the next 3-4 days, but I managed to get a pull workout in even though I was tired, and it was a great workout. Strength is coming back, it's just the volume that I can't do anymore, but that's to be expected I guess.

Still feeling good, it's just the sleep that's bothering me. Since I've never PCT'd before, I don't know if it's my hormones or the antidepressant I'm taking. Not going to lie its been stressing me out. I gotta stop reading benzo/antidepressant withdrawal forums, they are FULL of horror stories and I keep psyching myself the fuck out!

**thaifoon** · 02-15-2021, 02:16 AM

So gyms and restaurants opened the past week, but we got a once every 3-5 year snow/ice storm here in Portland that's shut the entire city down. It's like we aren't allowed to have anything good that lasts.

I'm single and normally go to the gym for v-day, but instead I've been stuck inside for 3 days straight. Kinda losing it mentally not gunna lie.

I realize others have it much worse, just been having some really down days lately.

**thaifoon** · 02-18-2021, 01:15 AM

The sun finally came out and melted the snow. That 4 days of rest and eating did a lot of good, I did legs yesterday and chest today and was putting up about 80-90% of what I did on cycle, just not as many reps.

It's been about 8.5 weeks since my last pin, and I'm actually starting to feel good again. Things opening up and getting back in my routine definitely helped a lot though.

I still get the urge to get back on every time I look in the mirror; you just miss that crazy pump and high feeling of being ON. But I'm pretty surprised at how much size and strength I kept even after crashing and coming off. I saw a thread in the general discussion about how one cycle changes your body forever, and now that's starting to make sense. I feel like my natty baseline is much bigger than what it was before I ever touched anything.