Thread: MAXS Log

It is good to just write things out. It helps you say what you want to say{even in a forum}; it is a good outlet. It also helps with communication skills and getting outside opinions. We tend to stick inside our own bubble. I have had girls in the past that my whole family did not like and I couldnt see it at the time because I was INSIDE the relationship. When someone is unable to open up and talk openly and directly about issues; or shutdown. When things get to the point most of the time; things are not well and you have to keep finding new things to make them happy or are constantly trying to ease them: I like to reflect back....Is she trying to do what I am doing? Is she initiating sex? Is she planning things for us {not involving money} but to bring us closer? Or is she constantly nagging or negative. Once a girl shames you or puts you down, or points out your faults instead of things you accomplish. I found that it was already over and all my hard work to FIX things were worthless because the girl did not appreciate other people in general. She was all about HER, and treated people poorly that were not me or my family. It showed me what type of person she was always fixated on me and not herself. I would rather a woman cheat on me than talk down to me or purposely try to hurt my or others feelings by pointing out their faults . I have such a massive family that I see it all. Sometimes divorces happen, cheating happens and they work it out. Some re-marry their ex wife again (5 of them, lol) after finding out that their next wife or husband was waaay worse compared to what she/he had with you . To tell you the honest truth. Sounds like you are at a tipping point. You sound like you are trying pretty hard so, at least you know that you are putting the effort in to face both of your problems. When both peoples #1 goal is to communicate and fix their relationship{if there is a big elephant in the room all day}, that shows you love each other. Honesty and openness has to be normal. If too many lies have been told, or really bad personal attacks in the past...IME: the significant other always uses the past to Win and argument or to avoid looking inward. Last thing I need is what I call a 90/10 relationship: I am 90% responsible for the financial security of our so called relationship{rent/mortgage/her car/shopping, insurance} 90% of the time: I have to initiate sex. 90% of the time: they are planning things with my money; they are not talking about how they are going to work some OT, so we can get this fixed or go here for a week alone. When they plan these romantic trips or plans to make improvements to the house; they are doing it with no effort or thought that they are going to spend one red cent! They expect that you are paying and improving everything.

I have been through it and watched others go through it. I lucked out with this one: she is a hard worker(manually, artistically, and in business} She is always supporting and even paying for stuff that is important to me. She brings positivity to the bad days and spins it into something funny or just mentions how lucky we are. I hope you have some luck getting her communication line open; you will find out pretty quick what they are thinking or Gonna be like after another 2 years. I own my feelings and my treatment of others 100%, good or bad. I dont argue if I did something wrong...because I must have, they just told me so! Lol. My eyes were blinded by sex and their beauty in the first part of a relationship but, it usually does not take long to find out that they are self centered or nags. I always lime to meet their family as well. Gives you a look into the future and past of who this girl I am with really is. Kick some ass John, just face things head on, be uncomfortable and tell her what you are going to do and ask her what she is going to do.
Make sure it is the exact (real thing you want from her). Here is what my papa told me when I was around 14: When you think you have the girl for you , I want you to ask yourself this...If you were pulling greenchain or topping a 120ft tree and and accident happened, your paralyzed from the waist down. Is that girl gonna stick by you and help bathe you and keep you clean? Is she going to work full time and care for you because she loves you so much?
It was quite a question because after knowing a girl for a couple weeks I know that they wouldn’t! A real wife does those things when she truly loves you and cherishes you . That means she respects you and brags about how good of a person you are. Sometimes YOU are the problem; and that is okay too. Either way?
You get your answer.

Max

Originally Posted by maxmuscle1

It is good to just write things out. It helps you say what you want to say{even in a forum}; it is a good outlet. It also helps with communication skills and getting outside opinions. We tend to stick inside our own bubble. I have had girls in the past that my whole family did not like and I couldnt see it at the time because I was INSIDE the relationship. When someone is unable to open up and talk openly and directly about issues; or shutdown. When things get to the point most of the time; things are not well and you have to keep finding new things to make them happy or are constantly trying to ease them: I like to reflect back....Is she trying to do what I am doing? Is she initiating sex? Is she planning things for us {not involving money} but to bring us closer? Or is she constantly nagging or negative. Once a girl shames you or puts you down, or points out your faults instead of things you accomplish. I found that it was already over and all my hard work to FIX things were worthless because the girl did not appreciate other people in general. She was all about HER, and treated people poorly that were not me or my family. It showed me what type of person she was always fixated on me and not herself. I would rather a woman cheat on me than talk down to me or purposely try to hurt my or others feelings by pointing out their faults . I have such a massive family that I see it all. Sometimes divorces happen, cheating happens and they work it out. Some re-marry their ex wife again (5 of them, lol) after finding out that their next wife or husband was waaay worse compared to what she/he had with you . To tell you the honest truth. Sounds like you are at a tipping point. You sound like you are trying pretty hard so, at least you know that you are putting the effort in to face both of your problems. When both peoples #1 goal is to communicate and fix their relationship{if there is a big elephant in the room all day}, that shows you love each other. Honesty and openness has to be normal. If too many lies have been told, or really bad personal attacks in the past...IME: the significant other always uses the past to Win and argument or to avoid looking inward. Last thing I need is what I call a 90/10 relationship: I am 90% responsible for the financial security of our so called relationship{rent/mortgage/her car/shopping, insurance} 90% of the time: I have to initiate sex. 90% of the time: they are planning things with my money; they are not talking about how they are going to work some OT, so we can get this fixed or go here for a week alone. When they plan these romantic trips or plans to make improvements to the house; they are doing it with no effort or thought that they are going to spend one red cent! They expect that you are paying and improving everything.

I have been through it and watched others go through it. I lucked out with this one: she is a hard worker(manually, artistically, and in business} She is always supporting and even paying for stuff that is important to me. She brings positivity to the bad days and spins it into something funny or just mentions how lucky we are. I hope you have some luck getting her communication line open; you will find out pretty quick what they are thinking or Gonna be like after another 2 years. I own my feelings and my treatment of others 100%, good or bad. I dont argue if I did something wrong...because I must have, they just told me so! Lol. My eyes were blinded by sex and their beauty in the first part of a relationship but, it usually does not take long to find out that they are self centered or nags. I always lime to meet their family as well. Gives you a look into the future and past of who this girl I am with really is. Kick some ass John, just face things head on, be uncomfortable and tell her what you are going to do and ask her what she is going to do.
Make sure it is the exact (real thing you want from her). Here is what my papa told me when I was around 14: When you think you have the girl for you , I want you to ask yourself this...If you were pulling greenchain or topping a 120ft tree and and accident happened, your paralyzed from the waist down. Is that girl gonna stick by you and help bathe you and keep you clean? Is she going to work full time and care for you because she loves you so much?
It was quite a question because after knowing a girl for a couple weeks I know that they wouldn’t! A real wife does those things when she truly loves you and cherishes you . That means she respects you and brags about how good of a person you are. Sometimes YOU are the problem; and that is okay too. Either way?
You get your answer.

Max

So many points of what you wrote are true for her, both good and bad is the part that has me torn. Thank you for your words of wisdom Max.

I want to see what she writes in her letter for a day in her dream life. At least then I can see what direction she is heading.

Originally Posted by 9TMARE

I hope it’s what your looking for brother. Whatever happens stay strong and handle it. Want the best for you!


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Thank you 9TMARE