This is probably different than every other log on here, but I think writing out my thoughts out in one place will help keep me on track and accountable.

History
Trained natty for 12 years. I lift and also train BJJ. Started getting into sarms and prohormones around 27 years old. It was fun, but then I finally got into the real thing at 29.

Started my first blast @500mg test/week and ran that for 5 months. In hindsight, I should have came off. But the first covid lockdowns happened and I didn't want to lose any gains (plus I was addicted lol). Ended up cruising for 10 months @100mg/week.

Gyms finally reopened, I wanted to ease back in so I started a smaller cycle @300mg/week. I fucked myself here and started taking arimidex the first week, and continued to do so for 3-4 weeks before I realized what I was doing. I had insomnia for 3-4 nights a week for 6 weeks straight, and the gyms closed again, so I finally decided to come off everything and let my body normalize.

My hormones were still screwed, and I was awake 4 days straight before I went to the Dr. and they gave me an anti-depressant that helps with sleep called Mirtazapine.

PCT/Present
I started taking Mirtazapine daily and was finally sleeping again. Waited 2 weeks after my last pin and ran Clomid for 4 weeks before the emotional sides became too much and I stopped. I'm also trying to wean myself off the Mirtazapine; I've dropped it from 15mg > 7.5mg > 3.75mg so far.

It's been about 6 weeks now since my last pin. Gyms have reopened outdoors, and I've been going when I can about 3 days a week. I also still train BJJ 2-3 days a week.

I've gotten a lot of advice and help from the brotherhood here throughout the process and I appreciate it greatly. It's probably been the darkest time in my life with the PCT + Pandemic + Winter season. Still climbing out of that hole but I am seeing the light more often now.